You may be asking yourself how it is that a woman who was scared to death to raise her own children as a single mother ended up taking in other people’s children as a foster mom. I still ask myself this same question from time to time. All I can say is Jesus. He changed absolutely every thing about my life.
It took a couple years of getting to know Jesus first, time to develop my relationship with him before he revealed this path to me. I had to get really still before him and let his will to override mine. I had admired foster parents my whole life but it was NEVER on my radar if I’m being completely honest. In the beginning of this journey I had the desire for many things, including going to bible college to become a counselor, or speaking to women’s groups about overcoming my struggles. But deep down I had always “heard” or felt that my purpose was in who I was raising (which I always assumed was my own children). I really wanted God’s will to be done in my life, but I wanted it to be done my way. Oh how stubborn I can be! I watched as friends who walked the journey with me were being called into important roles, friends with big calls on their lives and I so desperately wanted that for myself. Even though I was being still before God, I was constantly crying out for him to reveal my purpose. So in reality I wasn’t being still in the way that mattered the most, emotionally and spiritually. I still wanted something “more” for my life.
I was listening to worship music one day and in prayer, asking once again what God wanted me to do and I heard him very clearly say I was going to adopt. Admittedly, I was a little like Sarah in the bible. I laughed and said out loud that I wasn’t going to do that! Can you imagine?! Here I am begging for my purpose and when God speaks, I don’t want to do what he says to do. It wasn’t my finest moment. Right at that moment though my music stopped and a video about fostering came on instead. I took note of that, although I wasn’t sure why at the time. As the weeks went on, every time I was on facebook or reading a book or watching a video there would be a reference to fostering. I spent a lot of time in prayer about all of this. I really didn’t want to go down that road, simply because of fear. My son had finished high school and was living on his own. My daughter was 15 and would soon be leaving home. I was finally at the point in my life where I felt my main motherly duties were coming to an end. I was close to being “free”. I really did struggle with the idea but ultimately I wanted God’s will to be done so I had to find a way to put my will aside.
I go to a ladies bible study group once a week, and I value their opinions because I know they are God fearing, praying women. So I brought all of this before them and asked for them to pray about it for me, so I would know if I was supposed to adopt or to foster. I wanted to know what they felt God was calling me to do. They all prayed for me, but I didn’t realize just how quickly God would answer that prayer! When I got home I checked my mail as I always do and there was only one flyer in my mailbox. It was from the government and the title on the flyer was “Foster New Beginnings, Become a Foster Parent Today”! In all my years on this earth I had never seen one of these flyers or anything like it. I had goosebumps all over my body. I literally laughed out loud. It felt so surreal. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I would love to say that I called the number on the flyer immediately, but I still sat on it for another week. Finally after much prayer and trepidation I called. I had it in my mind that they would turn me away because I was single, or because I only work part time, or because I rent and don’t own a home. So what was the harm in calling right? It eased my mind, thinking I could say “well at least I tried”. To my surprise, they never turned me away and the doors kept opening the further I went through the process. I was approved to open my foster home in April 2019.
This often feels like a dream. I have had four placements in 7 months. The funny part is that I really wouldn’t change a thing. I love the children who come into my home. I love being able to offer them a safe place when their worlds are falling apart. I feel so full when I hear that I have made an impact on their lives. Only God knew that this would be the perfect role for me. Only he could have orchestrated all of this for me. Only he could have pushed me so completely out of my comfort zone.
People often praise me saying how amazing I am for doing this. It’s so nice to hear but at the same time it makes me uncomfortable in some regards because if it wasn’t for Jesus I wouldn’t be doing any of this, of that I am 100% sure. It is him working in me and through me. None of this is by my power and he deserves all the glory.
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